a sigh of relief

7:00 AM
Lately I've been reflecting on life and babies and how uncertain those two things mixed together can be. The ideas that I've tried to write about below have been milling around in my brain and I really wanted to write them out into something. This might trigger some tough stuff for you so if you would like to talk, send me an email, I'd love to hear from you. It's very easy to feel very alone. 

two pink lines and a heart filled with hope
months of trying, you breathe, a sigh of relief.
But hope can be short lived, a day or two it's over
tears fall in secret, those lines forever written on your heart.

But at last we've made it to a round swelling belly
we're telling our friends, we're so excited we say
at last we can breathe that sigh of relief, we've made it this far
We're safe and in the clear just smooth sailing ahead
but I can't feel the kicking, the dread sets in
I'm holding that breath in and praying for our life.

A sigh of relief a small baby in my arms
ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes
But breathings not an option when that baby struggles to do so
I can't let my guard down when this tiny one is mine.

The years trickle by and there's more to hold my breath for
Walking, running, jumping theres so much danger all around
I can't breathe, I can't breathe for all the things I fear
There's no sigh of relief when I hear the stories
How will I screw my child up? What should they know?
What should they do?

I breath a sigh of relief, I've made it, to see their first day at school.
Pigtailed and beaming they run through the class door.
But the breath gets short when I see my baby bullied
my baby feeling shame for the beauty that they are.

They grow and they adapt but the breathing's never easy
I feel my breath grow short thinking of what lies ahead.
But one day I assure myself I'll breath that sigh of relief
when they're safely out of home, married, wealthy, happy and safe.

But inside my heart I know that I'll always be watching
I know that day of relief will never really come.
I stare at those two lines filled with fear at what lies before me
or what doesn't and that fills me with fear all the same.

But then a voice comes to greet me
soft and gentle, firm and loud
I am the Breath of Life he says
come to me and breathe.

You can trust me with your baby
You can trust me with your life
You can trust me with your every breath whatever comes your way.

For I thought you up
I made you
I love you and
I saved you.

I gave you breath that you might breathe.

When sorrow comes your way
know this my child that I will never breathe a sigh of relief till you are safe at home.

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